Our Miscarriage Story

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching in the past few years. It seems to be that we take a look at our lives when something major happens.

My husband and I recently, in June, went through a miscarriage. I was 11 weeks along and had no signs anything was wrong until it was. I’ve had one healthy pregnancy so with that came the regular ultrasounds. I knew what a good ultrasound was like and should look like. The second I saw the ultrasounds I knew things weren’t right. It also is not cool when the ultrasounds technician doesn’t say a word the entire time and you are sure you know the news is going to be the worst thing you can think of. Then you proceed to wait and wait and wait which feels like 10 hours until the doctor can come in and confirm your nightmare. They sent me home with words that my body will take care of everything.  We went back to the lake house.

We were on vacation at “the lake” my happy place when all of this started happening. Day one of vacation I started having some bleeding and was sure something was wrong but convinced myself to take it easy and this can be normal. The next day, I couldn’t do anything but think about it and so we went to the hospital for that ultrasound.

Just to set the scene of where we are, The middle of nowhere! 7 hours from home, an hour from the nearest hospital (the size of a Target) and on your drive there is no cell reception at all.

That afternoon I started having a lot of pain.. I can’t believe nobody told me that this would happen. For hours I laid in horrific pain with no pain medicine, screaming for my husband to rub my back as my mom chased around our 18 month old.  During those hours of pain I requested that my husband called to make an appointment to be seen by an obgyn.

So we made an appointment first available (tomorrow morning at noon). This appointment with this obgyn was 1.5 hours away in Duluth Minnesota.  We left our son with my Mom and Tyler and I made the drive. We pulled up to the office and the pain started again. This time I was in public. I was trying so hard not to make any noise or scare the other women in the waiting room, but they quickly realized I needed to go into a room. The obgyn came in to see me and gave me an exam. She said we have to get you to the ER for a D&C surgery. So about twenty minutes later I am in a hospital bed praying for some pain medicine to make this stop. About an hour later I finally got some and was waiting for the surgery. The next few steps moved quickly and I was knocked out and in surgery.

 Sometimes we get knocked off course. Our trajectory changes and life brings along a new path you hadn’t seen coming. We lost a baby that day and it was unbelievably hard. Waking up out of surgery and remembering that I wasn’t pregnant anymore was something that totally confused me. How? Why? Are you sure? Now what?

These questions we ask ourselves, we may never know. For me, I believe that God knows. He knows the how and why and that his timing is always better than mine and that calms me.  It doesn’t make it easy, but it calms me.

So my husband and I returned after that surgery to my happy place. It looked different that day. It looked slightly familiar to a time when I walked in those doors once before after loosing my Dad. You see, the lake house was my Dad’s happy place and this house on the lake has continued to bring healing to me.

You know that phrase “ Heaven’s a little close by the lake” well than this is still my happy place.

It’s weird. I didn’t get any cards or flowers or cookies after my miscarriage for sympathy like when my Dad passed away. I think part of it is because a lot of people didn’t know or don’t know until they are reading this. But I think too, there is a weird shameful aspect that our society has put onto having a miscarriage. It isn’t my fault. I asked a million times if I did anything wrong, is my body wrong, what did I do to mess this up? The Answer, Nothing!

At first, days after it happened I was ashamed. I didn’t want people to know. Then the more I thought about it the more I knew that this is part of who I am today and if you want to know me or understand me and who I am you need to know my story. My story comes with some awesome times and it comes with some hard times. But it is my story and it has made me to be who I am today.

So I guess I sit here and tell this story for anyone who knows me, who wants to know me, who has been though a miscarriage, who may some day go through one and for anyone who wants to tell your true story. You can do this! It is what made you, you!

We are having a Baby!

I still can't believe that my husband and I are pregnant. Well I am pregnant and he gets to watch my crazy belly expand week by week. Each little stage of this journey just reminds me how much of a miracle babies are. It is the most amazing thing ever. I am in awe when I look down and see my belly getting larger and feel little kicks and tiny high fives from within. This little one has NO IDEA how many kisses it is going to get throughout its life! 

We decide not to find out the sex of our baby. This is our first child and we want to just go all in on the surprise element of birth and what sex baby God gave us. I will say as I start to plan the nursery sometimes I wish I would have found out. But I'm creative. I can come up with a color scheme and theme that works for either a boy or girl, right?! I got this! I put a few images of inspiration I am using for the gender neutral nursery below!

I wouldn't mind suggestions on what on earth to register for. HELP! I walked into Buy Buy Baby looked around at a few things, saw the wall of strollers and 4 rows of car seats and walked out. I can not believe how many options there are for every single item. I was overwhelmed and a bit confused. So seriously if anyone has a few must haves I would be very interested to hear what people love. Please feel free to give me some suggestions.

We can't wait to meet our little person in December. Maybe a Christmas baby or a New Years baby!

ART in TaRA: 100 day watercolor Challenge

Ok, so maybe it was more like 60 day challenge for me. I have to admit I did not complete all 100 days. However, I enjoyed the days that I did sit down and paint and made time for creating. I gave myself about 30-45 minutes in the morning to do the watercolor paintings. Most days I messed around with colors and washes trying to envision it on beautiful wedding stationery. Other times I found inspiration around me and painted away. A few times I had no ideas and that was ok too! Focusing in on something and getting into a routine is something I really like. The more routine my day is the more I get done. Makes sense, right?! 

Right, but wrong. As an artist and bit of a free spirit I get sick of routine quickly. However, I know that in order to master watercolor or anything for that matter, you have to continue to practice. When I was in high school and college, I was drawing and painting daily. Now I am lucky to even paint once a month. It is something I really want to focus on and make the time for. Implement a routine for creating each and every day!!  This challenge allowed me to get back into something I love so much. 

What I learned from this challenge: 1. 100 days is too long :)  2. I love creating.  3. Challenging yourself is always a good idea  4. I enjoy a morning routine-to some extent. 

Here are some of the pieces I did during the 100 day watercolor challenge.

Fall at The Lake

If you have been following me on Instagram you will see my serious obsession with Fall. I can't get enough! The colors, scarves, fleece jackets, sweaters, pumpkin everything, apple cider and carmel apples bring me lots of joy and warm and fuzzy feelings.

This past weekend I was able to get to my family's cabin, in Northern Wisconsin! It truly is my favorite place in the world. I have been going there ever since I was born and am so thankful to call my family a lake family! Don't get me wrong I love the beach, but there is something about a lake that really draws me in and gives me peace and calm. It is hypnotizing in a way-the fresh crisp clean air, the crystal clear still water, and the sparkles that reflect off the water when the sun shines down. For me it has always been a place where you learn, grow, create memories, explore, try new things and spend time with family and friends. 

The last 2 years have been a lot of change at the lake. It has been extremely hard to be there without the man who made it all possible, my dad. It was my dad's favorite place too! It was his hideout, his retreat, his oasis and a place that brought out another side of this suit and tie business man. This is the place that brought out his creativity and put my dad behind the camera. He has taken so many amazing pictures and I am so honored to get the privilege to continue taking pictures with his camera! It is a little piece of my dad that I get to keep and use to continue building memories and telling stories at the lake!

I hope you enjoy the story I am telling with these photos.

Welcome to my Blog!

Hi. I'm Tara, owner, designer and artist behind THE ART IN TARA. I create custom wedding invitations, save the dates, baby announcements and special event invitations. 

I'm a fan of:

God, family time, my husband, gardening, cooking, all shades of blue (teal), being outside, traveling, painting, milk with a little coffee, discovering new restaurants, casual atmospheres, farmers markets, cheese (born in WI), the first snow, watercolor, hand lettering, mixing patterns and textures, Christmas, jeans and a t-shirt and of course stationery.

What you can expect from my blog:

Wedding inspiration, real wedding stationery, personal posts about food, travel and family and there will be some freebies.

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